2.  DON’T post a group Christmas card or picture of yourself on everyone’s wall and tag your friends in it- yes it is the digital age, so sending an email card is probably fine, but posting your card on someone else’s wall?  Definitely not. Sorry.  Ditto:  New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Easter, 4th of July…in other words…never.  Be careful what you post on others walls and tag them in!

3.  DO set up tag review on your own  Facebook profile.   This way no one can  tag you in a photo or post without you approving it  first.  This will circumvent number two above. It also saves you when the spam photos get posted- they won’t appear on your wall and fill up your friends news feeds if you have to review it- you can UNTAG yourself from it!

4.  Photos: If you think a  picture of a friend is not that attractive, DON’T post it,  or if you see it,  definitely don’t tag it.  Consider telling the person who posted it they may want to take it down. DO untag yourself from any photos you don’t like.  You have control here. Use it!

5.  If you use your page for business be careful that you DON’T  bombard your personal contacts with posts that may not be of interest to them. If you blog and have a specific niche, select an audience If you have a very large group of friends.  I joined Facebook as a personal connection first,  so I am cautious about selecting an audience when it comes to business posts. Many of my friends would not expect to be bombarded with my business postings.  If you do have a blog that is of general interest, test it out and notice who’s reading it and liking it to determine whether or not you want to select an audience or if you are getting a great response, perhaps it is relevant to many friends. Be aware.

6.  DO “like” things or comment if you are going to tell  people that you basically stalk them. In recent weeks I have had a number of people tell me how much they loved all my holiday photos on Facebook and seeing my kids. Interesting that they never bothered to hit the like button or make a comment. It is an interactive platform so DON’T be a stalker…. or stupid enough to admit it.

7.  DON’T  assume I receive your Facebook invitation or event announcement anymore. Too many people are now on Facebook and it is no longer enough to send somebody a Facebook invitation to an event. They easily get lost down the timeline and mixed in with other events of less importance in your event box.

8.  DON’T post something that may belong in a private message on someones wall…i.e.: therapist recommendations, support groups etc…especially if unsolicited-  but honestly, why at all? Ask yourself WHY do I feel the need to post this publicly and how will it benefit this person I care about if everyone sees it? This is not the time to be playing PR maven.  Use the private message function more often than not.   When you post on someone’s wall, it can go into the newsfeed of all of your mutual friends. Think before you post.

9.  DO think twice before you “check in” at private clubs for all to see. 1. You can be perceived as exclusive and elitist (manage your online image please) and 2. Do clubs and their members really want your personal PR ? Possible Exception: Dining clubs at resort towns who promote through concierges and want business aka:.: not 100% private.

10.  You don’t need to post your foursquare check-ins on auto post. (to facebook or twitter)  Unless you’re a college kid, no one cares. And if you are a college kid, text your friends. This is a great way to tell people where you are so they can go rob your house…among other things.  It’s really just the modern version of:  Think before you speak.

At the end of the day, etiquette, wisdom and common sense apply to the online world too.

 
I offer social media coaching sessions for women who need guidance with Facebook privacy settings, social media, and management of personal online brand and image.

Pressed Juicery is located now in the heart of Noe Valley in San Francisco on 24th and Sanchez – a fun and spirited neighborhood you should get over to if you haven’t.  Definitely worth a trip to try these well-known elixirs.  They also offer several cleanses which are beneficial -especially during the change of seasons.

Here’s to a healthy New Year!

For years I thought about my resolutions during this week…along with much of the population.  Occasionally, that old negative thought process still will come up for me;  thinking about new rules I need to live by (which will most certainly be broken come February).  Then I remember…and breathe…OH YES…  for quite some time now I haven’t been part of the “resolution crowd.” I don’t need to” resolve” myself or “be fixed”.  I remind myself how great it is to be connected with a group of people who believe in setting intentions for your life and in casting a vision to live into, while feeling grateful for what we have been shown along the way. I do believe that we have the power to create new stories for our lives… not only on January 1 but at any time of year if we so choose. I really try to surround myself with people in my life who share this vision- those who will be there to remind me that this is how we can get into motion,  in the direction we desire… By setting intentions for our lives that inspire us to move forward.

As I look toward 2013, I will take some time in the next few days to reflect upon all that I DID create and all that I am proud of accomplishing in 2012. It is a much stronger foundation to stand upon as I begin to set intentions for a powerful  year ahead.  Standing upon a weakened foundation of negative self talk, and self disappointment is no place to be if I am  wanting to start any project or chapter with confidence and ease. Here are five of my own tested strategies I use and hope they help to get you moving with ease from one year to the next:

1. Write in a journal about your accomplishments, gratitudes and creations in 2012. Putting pen to paper often does make you realize how much you have already done… And done  well!

2. Take a peaceful yoga or meditation class that will encourage you to go inward and reflect. Often times my best ideas about what I am wanting to create pop-up during the quietest of yoga classes. Have a pen and paper nearby.

3. Use giant Post-it notes on your wall outlining your goals and dreams for 2013. Don’t be afraid to mess up your room for once! Getting your body and entire nervous system involved in your own creative process with large pieces of paper, large writing and even illustrations is quite valuable. So step away from the keyboard and screen and try it a new way.

4. Have a quiet dinner at a local organic restaurant with friends who truly nourish you. Discuss what you loved about 2012 and what you look forward to creating in 2013. Speaking your intentions makes them more powerful. For the best clarity and commitment, consider drinking delicious tea instead of alcohol.

5. Take an end of the year inventory. Who are you surrounding yourself with? They say that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. So who are you hanging out with? Are their values in alignment with your vision right now?  Who do you want to spend more time with? Less time with?  Does your closest circle inspire and uplift you so that you can move in the direction you are wanting to go? Do you have energy vampires that you need to set some boundaries with? Now is the time to assess so that you can include any intentions in your plan about who you want by your side as you create your next chapter.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved the Christmas season. I’m quite often the first person to put up my tree and the last one to take it down…and for me that’s even too soon. I love the colors, flavors, the lights, the music, the spirit. I remember sharing my favorite childhood memories with my grandmother — baking gingerbread and sugar cookies and decorating, and snuggling by the tree.

For many years I have noticed people around me rushing through the holidays, complaining, wanting to get them over with. However, I also DO know what it means to do too much and I have spent my fair share of holiday seasons being exhausted and worn out by Christmas as I begin a new year feeling wrung out and depleted. When I became a mom and had to take on a lot more responsibility during the season, I began to feel the weight of it. Over the past few years I have given a lot of thought to how to make the season more balanced and meaningful… I wanted to share some of my favorite strategies. If nothing else, I hope this will get you thinking about some of your own. Depending upon what your favorite traditions are, you will have ideas about what will be most meaningful for you.

Ten Simple Strategies to make the most of your holiday season so you can step into the New Year feeling fulfilled and fresh!

1. Be sure to get one cozy dinner at a fun new restaurant with that special someone. (Significant other or Bestie!) Make your reservations now so that you can go into the city (or somewhere else special!) for a private celebration. Ask if they have a fireplace- ask to sit by it. I already have my reservations for Park Tavern in San Francisco during the week before Christmas.
2. Create a Pandora station with calm soothing Christmas carols that you love. I have created Celtic Christmas and Christmas guitar. Both are meditative and relaxing for me to listen to throughout the day and help me shift into the holiday spirit.
3. Treat yourself (and your partner) to an evening foot massage. I like the Foot Spa in Oakland – and you can grab a dinner next door at Sidebar as well. Soooo relaxing!
4. Be sure to drive those special routes that take you back to your childhood at Christmas time. My favorite is Marina Boulevard in San Francisco – All the bay windows framing festive trees. On the bay side spot the sailboats with lighted masts. You can’t help feeling inspired and lighthearted. If you did not grow up in the area where you live now, be sure to ask the locals for their favorite routes. We even like to do it when we visit other places. Last year in Southern California, our friends sent us to their favorite “Candy Cane Lane” in Calabasas when we were driving back to our hotel after dinner. Worth a detour!
5. Don’t feel like sending Christmas cards? Think about an every other year plan. I often do every other year, and I enjoy the process much more. Last year I did a New Year’s card which was also more enjoyable for me -given everything I had going on. Maybe you need to drop the baking, or the shopping. Ease up on yourself. Consider gift certificates or gifts of your time.
6. Take an evening restorative yoga class. Restorative yoga is a great way to refill your tank and build immunity when you are running on empty. I have recently enjoyed a hot stone restorative yoga class at Yoga Tree, Berkeley.
7. Just say no! Really think about pacing yourself so you can be at your best. You don’t need to attend every winter fundraiser, giant Christmas party or open house. Think about what’s most meaningful to you before you default to an automatic yes. By the time January comes, you will be thankful. Two parties in one night can be pretty tough on me these days, I’ve really tried to eliminate that practice. What I also know, is that winter is a great time to reflect on what works in your life and what does not. Instead of overbooking yourself during this time – make the space to slow down, so you can power up and be ready for the magic that lie ahead. Think about how you want to start the next year. Going inward at this time is what our bodies were designed to do – we can’t always be running at full speed ahead. Begin to plant the seeds of your intentions for a new year. What are you yearning to create? What would bring you great joy? What do you have yet to discover?
8. Serve. Where would it bring you great joy to serve? We all know this is what brings us the most fulfillment is when we can be available to serve others in some way. If we are exhausted from saying yes to every social opportunity that comes up during the holidays, we can serve but not experience the depth of meaning that it can bring. I often see people racing to work at a soup kitchen as if it is one more thing to cross off the list. If we don’t over schedule ourselves we have the time to enjoy the things that are the most meaningful to us. That includes being present and available to serve even the ones that are closest to us! Think of service as not only helping those who are less fortunate than us, but also being fully present to those that are closest to us in our everyday lives- our family, friends and loved ones. Being present so that we can have meaningful relationships can be considered a form of service in itself.
9. Walk. Maybe not your normal route… Connect with nature. For me it is the redwood forest a mere 2 miles away from my home. Walking in nature is so grounding in such a powerful de-stressor! Breathe in the cool winter air and be grateful for the beauty that surrounds you. Wherever that place is for you, try to get there in the midst of a busy December. Your mind and body will thank you.
10. Simply enjoy the moment… This moment, this holiday season 2012. You will never have it again. As we go through the motions each year of putting up the tree, stringing the lights, shopping, wrapping, baking etc… we often view it as a chore or burdensome routine. I try to remember that our memories are made with the people who bring the color and joy into our lives. For me, the decor and “prep” is the familiar backdrop that looks the same year to year- but the composition of the people in our lives changes. We become adults, our children grow up, and we lose people we love. Today I have adult children and wonderful conversation with nieces and nephews who suddenly seem like close friends as they’ve grown into young ladies and gentlemen. What I know is that I have loved every stage and every Christmas for different reasons. When I pull out ornaments that belonged to my grandmother I still remember decorating the tree with her like it was yesterday. That was over 40 years ago. Enjoy and take note of the composition of what you have right now. Because you can be sure of one thing – it will always be different. Have gratitude for what is in your very own here and now, In this moment…sip it in and and savor.

Fabulous Finds and Secrets Worth Sharing.

I’m starting this section of my blog because I think as women we need to share the secret weapons that we find that make life easier, brighter and more fun!

I can’t resist bragging about this gem I found today while shopping at Tory Burch in San Francisco. I happened to bump into my good friend Shirley in there, and she was pretty excited too.  So are you ready? For…. super stylish “technology” gloves.  In other words, you don’t have to take off your gloves in order to use your iPhone!   I don’t know about you ladies, but this has been an ongoing problem for me when I’m trying to keep my digits warm in the winter.  The fingerless gloves are certainly cute and rockstar worthy but definitely not as warm. So bingo! Problem solved! The material stitched inside these leather babies allows you to slide and swipe on that touchscreen of yours all you want while maintaining nice warm fingers!  Thank you once again to Tory…fashion innovation at it’s finest!

At times we need to evaluate our current reality- We have to start by honoring the promises we make to ourselves. That begins for me with blogging regularly. Not blogging so that people can read what I have to say – but because it’s important for me to put my words out there in the world so that I can live by them. So that I can see what I value on paper, what’s important to me, what I like, and who I am. Seeing my thoughts reflected in writing enables me to better recognize where I am -and map out where I want to go. So without making myself wrong for not keeping these commitments, I am grateful that they have surfaced enough for me to realize how I can move beyond the obstacles.

Q: What inspired you to start your own business?
A: Charlotte Shultz, chief of protocol in San Francisco and my former boss.

Q: How is your business a reflection of your own personality and passions?
A: I love guidelines and rules. It’s how I live my life.

Q: What is your “bigger why” of being in business? (think why is it so important to you to do what you do)?
A: Feels good to help others, plus I enjoy writing on a multitude of subjects.

Q: Three words that describe the essence of you and your business (don’t be shy!)?
A: Go to gal!

Q: What is your secret luxury or indulgence?
A: High octane double espresso with two newspapers.

Q: What are your favorite restaurant(s)?
A: Tortilla Heights, San Francisco

Q: What are your favorite shoe(s)?
A: Belgium Loafers

Q: What Book(s) do you consider worth reading?
A: Julian Fellows Snobs

Q: What do you consider a dream vacation?
A: Rancho La Puerta twice annually

Q: What women have inspired you?
A: In San Francisco, Merla Zellerbach, former editor of Nob Hill Gazette

To learn more about Lisa Mirza Grotts you can visit her website and follow her online at:
Website: www.AMLGroup.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/lisaGrotts
Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisagrotts

I have honestly never been a “gamer” but recently joined the bandwagon with Words with friends and now this. I actually find it a great way to have a little causal contact and lots of laughs with my 83 year old mom. Never considering myself an artist, I approached this with the opportunity to learn something about myself and the brain. I have definitely learned a few things from this game that are metaphors for real life.

1. It is often not the object itself, but what is added in around it, that gives it context and meaning and makes it recognizable. For example I may not see or guess sofa until a lamp is added next to it.
2. Using this right side of the brain to try to communicate something to someone else…(visually) is a good exercise for me… what is it I need to show them completely so they “get” what I am trying to say?
3. When I am receptive and just watch them draw (ie: listen with my eyes) my intuition will often come up with the word for the picture WAY before I might expect.

SO with all that said, I also just love finding my inner artist and am enjoying lots of laughs along the way.

What are your own personal patterns that keep you stuck and feeling helpless? …what if you were here to help others overcome the very same thing? What if you could use what you have learned to help someone else? Now THAT is something to feel passionate about.

Q: What inspired you to start your own business?
A: I wanted to find a way to truly help nonprofit organizations improve their fundraising. There’s no centralized repository of best practices in fundraising and I wanted to help make a positive change.

Q: How is your business a reflection of your own personality and passions?
A: I really love helping others – those who want to make a difference in our society. Whereas I enjoy speaking on relevant philanthropic topics, I derive enjoyment much more from being behind-the-scenes than in-front. I think that may surprise some people!

Q: What is your “bigger why” of being in business? (think why is it so important to you to do what you do)?
A: Helping others really is my life. Western civilization, in general, and the United States, in particular, sees the art and science of giving back as a fundamental aspect of who we are. If these nonprofit organizations can be more successful it provides greater return to those people, projects, and animals they serve.

Q: Three words that describe the essence of you and your business (don’t be shy!)?
A:

• Collaborative. I hate cliché’s but the phrase “there’s no ‘I’ in team” is so true. Especially with the importance of social media we must all work together to achieve things that are bigger than ourselves.
• Strategic. Especially as it pertains to nonprofit endeavors, the over-arching goals should drive the tactical implementation. That, indeed, is a philosophy I follow in life, as well. Although sometimes it is a kick to just mix it up!
• Fun. At this point in my live the time I allocate to projects must derive some level of enjoyment and satisfaction for both me and those around me. From a business perspective, I strongly believe that employees are much more efficient and effective if they are recognized for their contributions and enjoy what they do.

Q: What is your Geatest Lesson learned: Something you have learned about yourself in the process of becoming a female entrepreneur?
A: When things don’t go as planned you need to adapt.

Q: What is your secret luxury or indulgence?

A: No doubt about it: Foot reflexology! I go at least once/week to Wonderfoot Spa on 27th at Geary (don’t tell anyone or it’ll get too booked To use the term ‘Spa’ is way too elaborate. The interiors are awful (basement?) but

1. the ‘therapists’ (if you can call them that) are good, especially David and Anna (not their real names – who knows what those are in Chinese);
2. They don’t speak a lick of English so you don’t have to talk except for cryptic pleasantries; and
3. The price is right – $30 for 70 minutes. Pure heaven.

Q: What are your favorite restaurant(s)?
A: Geographically:

• Ringside in Portland OR (www.ringsidesteakhouse.com). Hometown restaurant. Incredible steak, onion rings and a slice of iceberg lettuce with French/bleu cheese dressing. Every time I go home to Portland I MUST indulge!!
• Frascati (www.frascatisf.com). Neighborhood restaurant on Russian Hill. Their Bread Salad is great and the staff is friendly.
• Jardiniere (www.jardiniere.com). Civic center. Now their Bread Salad beats out Frascati. I’m so partial to this restaurant for SO many reasons, including A. food; B. staff, C. wine selection by the glass, and D. their sommelier is a dear friend and the teacher of my wine club!
• Murray Circle (www.cavallopoint.com). Romantic restaurant. At Cavallo Point at Ft. Baker in Sausalito. Although so close, and with great views of the city, you feel a million miles away from the hustle and bustle.
• Casanova (www.casanovarestaurant.com). Carmel. Since my daughter goes to school down there I have experienced many of the great spots in what can definitely be designated as a foodie town. Casanova never disappoints.
• Don Giovanni (www.bistrodongiovanni.com). Napa. There’s something so homey about this restaurant that is on the east side of Hwy 29 north of Napa. It’s a gift to the valley.

Q: What are your favorite shoe(s)?
A: Again, I must segment:

• Flats. Anyi Lu. Their ‘Cate’ flat is literally the most comfortable shoe I’ve ever worn. I don’t particularly like the rest of their line – a bit too old-school. And it’s not particular cheap. But the Cate flat, to me, is well worth the $375 at Nordstrom. Better than slippers!
• Stylish flats. Roger Vivier. Again, not for the faint of heart when it comes to price point. But every time I wear a pair of RV’s, even their flats, I feel special. Their store in NYC is divine although you can still get them at Neiman’s in SF, I believe.
• Heels. Cole Haan. Owned by Nike they have those wonderful ‘Air Nike’ cushioned soles on many of their heeled shoes. Feels like you’re walking on air!
• Stilettos. Christian Louboutin. Duh! (although these days I just look admiringly, and a bit painfully, at my daughter wearing them)

Q: What Book(s) do you consider worth reading?
A:

• Fiction. Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh my gosh, my total guilty pleasure! My motto: Come for the sex, stay for the story. Eat your heart out, Danielle Steele!
• Non-fiction. Made To Stick. It’s about how to create your brand, whether personally or professionally.

Now let’s talk about MY books…
• Fiction. Finedale. The story is about a woman who thinks she sees her husband having an affair and is coerced by friends to sort out her life at a women-only ‘spa’. There, she gets her self-esteem back, a new career, even flirting techniques. She leaves after 4 weeks and divorces her husband and wins big. Then she proceeds to lose it all. Finedale was not what it seemed. Release date: Fall 2012.
• Non-fiction. Bootstrap Fundraising. This quick read give volunteer leaders and event chairs the tools to create and tune new fundraising events that generate profits and engage communities. Release date: Summer 2012.

Q: What do you consider a dream vacation?
A:

• Anything with first-class travel on a wide-body jet (love the ‘cubicle’s’).
• Aman resorts…anywhere.
• I’ve done it before but I want to do it more often – hiking in the Bernese Oberland in Switzerland. Then back to the Victoria Jungfrau in Interlaken for spa treatments. Dinners spent in little Alps villages within a fifty mile radius.

Q: What women have inspired you?
A:

• Jane Inch. What an incredible business she is spearheading to help other women.
• Nancy Lublin. CEO of www.dosomething.org. Nancy is the founder of Dress For Success and went on to run dosomething, the nonprofit that engages teens as volunteers and activists. Nancy sat on a panel I moderated at the UN in NYC September 2010. She was very impressive and engaging.
• Candace Bushnell. Okay, I know, it’s Sex in the City. But Candace has done an incredible job: A. creating her own brand (see Made To Stick book recommendation above); B. making the urban lifestyle not totally superficial; and, C. letting us all have a bit of fun as women. Period.

To learn more about Layne Gray you can visit her website and follow her online at:
Website: www.laynegray.com | www.vivanista.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/laynegray1
Twitter: www.twitter.com/laynegray